the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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