I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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