you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You pole danced in your parka.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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