we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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