i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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