3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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