Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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