Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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