i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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