Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
