are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
