I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
