please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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