The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
