Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
