There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
