I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
