It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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