Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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