RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
