for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
