I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
