I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
