$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
