My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
