Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
