one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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