I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
