every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My ass is underappreciated
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
