This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
