so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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