I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
