ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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