Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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