Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize