At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
