Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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