If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
