you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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