Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
