Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
