he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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