So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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