Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
