Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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