totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
