Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sext me about skeletons
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
