I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
