I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
