Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
