escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I could make wine with my vomit
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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