Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
