Can Purell be used as lube?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
