"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize