Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
