We won't sleep together?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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