The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
