I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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