He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
as a side note pls kill me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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