Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
