i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
