What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
