Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
