Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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