I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
