I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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