I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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