I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize