Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
