Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
