Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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