a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
