Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
