Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
